Another year of sloppily written nonsense about films is finally over. We’ve seen some amazing films and some films that can only be described as flaming butt nuggets.
I thought I’d give you my opinion on the best and worst of 2016. Why? Well, this is the internet – an endless pit of people shouting into the void – may as well join in the funsies!
Based on UK release dates and films I have personally seen and is a reflection of how I currently feel about the films.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:
OK. Fine. I admit it’s not one of the worst films in 2016 but it was a massive fucking disappointment. Partly because of the hype before the film release and partly because of how promising the opening 10 minutes were. What a waste.
Independence Day: Resurgence:
I was unsure of whether to put this or Gods of Egypt on the shit list but in hindsight Gods of Egypt is so bad it’s almost good. This? This is just a clichéd uninspired mess that’s been thrown together with the finesse of a blind ice sculptor on a bouncy castle.
London Has Fallen:
What a dumb fucking film. You can think of this as a live action version of Team America but without the satire. That should be all the information you need to set fire to it and never look back!
The Danish Girl:
The Danish Girl? But what about the Oscars? Fair point but what about the huge amounts of over-acting and lack of political/social message when exploring hot current topics? Yeah. Checkmate inner monologue. Checkmate.
Everything! That’s what’s wrong with this film.
This is the curse of the 3rd movie again. You have to laugh that they threw in a reference to say that X-Men Last Stand was trash in a movie that is equally as guilty.
If the original Zoolander’s statement that the fashion industry is entirely shallow and stupid in nature felt fresh and sharp like a flesh wound from a blue steel knife then this sequel feels like a slap round the face by mouldy roadkill. Not good.
It’s not exactly a fun romp but it’s well worth a watch. Featuring heavily on last years awards list and rightly so the real star is Jacob Tremblay and not Brie Larson.
Doctor Strange was a surprisingly refreshing film from the powerhouses at Marvel who keep churning out decent films. It’s worth a watch not just for the humour and special effects but also for the fantastic acting. For a comic book film; novel!
Finding Dory could easily have been in my top 10 list because it’s near flawless like Nemo but that was also it’s downfall it’s too much like Nemo.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story:
So I was moving house late last year and never got to review this. Rogue One is the first film I fell asleep to at the cinema… I think that was more to do with it being the day after the work Xmas party AND the actual day I moved rather than the film. That said it was missing some Star Wars magic. Some will love it. Some will hate it. Some will fall asleep during it!
My Top 10…
10. The Hateful Eight
Tarantino’s latest film was one of the earliest films to be released in 2016 but at the time I wasn’t overly fussed about it – I mean it even had an interval for fuck sake! However, it must have done something right because here I am squeezing it in at number 10, probably because it was something completely different to anything else released this year.
Zootropolis is a scathing piece of socialist commentary on the miserable state of affairs in this rotten world… all wrapped up in some beautiful fluffy bunnies and oh-so cutsie fox friends just having a big ol’ fun time! Yay!
Remember when Sylvester Stallone was a really good actor? Yeah it was all the way back in early 2016 when this surprisingly deep and moving film was released. Creed is a love story to Rocky and Rocky II framed within how the world has treated the Italian Stallion and how that has shaped his world view. It’s well worth a watch
I freely admit that part of my love for Arrival comes from the fact that I am learning French bit by bit every day. Arrival somehow manages to make language the key plot point whilst also documenting the complexities of comprehension and romanticising it at the same time.
6. Kubo and the Two Strings
The story behind Kubo and the Two Strings is right up my street. It is a deep exploration of a child’s psychological state and how he comes to grips with grief in a challenging world. This all manifests itself in some of the most incredible stop motion fantasy that you’ve ever seen.
5. 10 Cloverfield Lane
It’s a bit of a con to hijack the Cloverfield name for this film because it’s nothing like the original. It is, however, the most tense thriller and one of the most entertaining films of the year. The acting is just fantastic. An instant cult classic.
Sweet Christmas! Deadpool was fantastic. Legitimately the funniest film of the year, Deadpool is a satire on the recent superhero genre whilst also being of the superhero genre. Amazingly it doesn’t feel cheap and who would have thought that Ryan Reynolds could become one of your favourite superheros!
3. The Big Short
In 2008 there was this little event that happened called the collapse of the ENTIRE FUCKING EVERYTHING! Irresponsible traders were sad because the reality that they are morons came crashing down and everyone lost a gazillion pounds each…. apart from the few who actually bet it would happen. This is the story of those few complete with explanations of the financial systems that are easy enough to understand, even for us dum dums. Also Margot Robbie in a bath drinking champagne… so there’s that!
2. The Nice Guys
Nice Guys finish last… or in this case second because Shane Black’s buddy cop (?) movie is truly excellent. It’s entertaining from start to finish, has some great performances and drags the buddy movie into the modern day even though it’s set in the 70’s. Thoroughly recommended.
1. The Revenant
It’s the film that finally won Leo one of those elusive Oscars and fair play to him – it’s long overdue. Funnily enough I thought he was one of the weaker parts of the film but there can be no taking away from the fact that this gruelling tale of survival is nothing short of a masterpiece. If your jaw isn’t on the floor during the bear necessities scene then you might want to check you actually still have a jaw.
Think I’m an idiot? Let me know in the comments below and I’ll probably agree with you!