Inferno

Dante Look Now

In the immortal words of Red Dwarf “There’s loads of things I’ve never done! I’ve never read………………. a book!”. I feel like that sometimes.

One of the books I have read is Cloud Atlas which I can only describe as the long lost book from William Shakespeare about multiple personality disorder whilst a group of people encircled me and chanted that I was stupid. It’s a really difficult read.

The only other book I can recall completing in recent times is The Da Vinci Code. I really enjoyed it. There’s a great blend of history, religion and fiction… or history and fiction as it’s also known.

The Da Vinci Code was also a difficult to read thanks to the multiple layers of symbolism and plot threads and that makes it incredibly difficult to make into a coherent film. Angels and Demons improved upon the original film but Inferno is the X-Men: Last Stand, the problem child, the awkward third instalment.

In fact it’s a scorching, lava pit of nonsensical fucking garbage.

Even Tom Hanks looks like he’s given up on the franchise during this film with many scenes being over-dramatised presumably to make up for the barrage of crap script that is just read at you like the shipping forecast or like your mum telling you about her day: “..and then I met Jane, Jane’s been on holiday, do you remember her son, he’s moved to Italy now, I got a new recipe but then the bus was late”.

It’s the same core issue as the first two films only amplified to the point at which it becomes farcical. Even from the very start we see Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) injured and suffering from amnesia with nothing but a treasure map in the form of the famous Dante’s inferno painting on him is being treated by a nurse who may as well be a leading authority on Dante and a fan of Langdon’s work. Well that’s fucking convenient!

What then follows is a series of running from one art gallery to another and asking the only one question that get’s them to the next clue. By the time the plot twist was revealed I was expecting Marlon Wayans to appear. Surely this is a spoof? It’s so bad, it HAS to be a spoof.

Marlon Wayans didn’t appear. In his place is Irrfan Khan who plays Harry Sims and is the only real saving grace of the film. Not only does is he effortlessly cool but he injects some much needed humour.

Khan’s moments on screen also slow the pace of a film that is just desperate to tell you how clever it is by pointing out the next clue hidden in yet forgetting to provide any convincing plot as to why and how it’s all linked and even why we are on this wild goose chase in the first place.

The best analogy I can think of is this: Inferno is the infamous 90’s UK TV show supermarket sweep, only someone has replaced the supermarket with various art galleries and the sense of fun with obtuse references to even more art galleries.

It’s the sort of film that makes you think “Man, I wish I had just read………………. the book!”.

The Good, The Bad and The Outcome:

+ Irrfan Khan

– Trashfire script
– Bad acting
– Nonsensical plot

Stars_1

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