BS: Yawn of Justice
You’ve watched all 28 of the various Batman V Superman trailers now your body is ready to extend those 3 minute snippets into 3 hours of the same content only less concise and with more dream sequences. Understandable, but don’t expect too much.
If you continue reading you will have the film spoilt like Justin Beiber… only less annoying. Fair warning!
Let’s quickly cover the good stuff. It looks great but that goes without saying; it’s Zach Snyder directing.
Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) was fantastic. I am actually quite excited to see the solo film with her because she seemed to enjoy being a badass and I like that.
Finally; Batman (Ben Affleck). I know we all had concerns about the Batfleck but he is unquestionably the best aspect of the film. The opening scenes where he rushes towards collapsing buildings as Superman is busy accidentally destroying the city instantly makes him likeable.
It’s an interesting perspective shift that is unfortunately never developed much further but Affleck brought the right level of grizzled distrust to his performance. Finally; seeing Batman fight henchmen and Superman was awesome because he looks tough as nails.
On the flip side the amount of balls dropped in this film is more than a school where everyone hits puberty on the same day.
Batman – a man with infinite resources – seems to gain more information from lucid dream sequences than he does from his tech. It’s only slightly less ridiculous than the way that Batman and Superman became team mates: “My mum’s name is Martha”, “Woah! mine too”, “Did we just become best friends?”. I wish I could tell you it wasn’t this stupid… but it was.
Superman (Henry Cavill) has the lions share of issues though. Through some sparsely detailed and convoluted plot threads he is painted to be a dangerous weapon. But because of the lack of depth behind his journey I cared as much for Supes as I do for rampant foot fungus.
There actually could have been an interesting sub-plot about the subversive nature of media and how mis-information easily twists public perception in a age that is hungry for quickly digestible content. Unfortunately this depth is traded for padding and leaves Superman to be the bland superhero that people already believe him to be.
Padding is evident in the set up for the Justice League who are introduced through a series of poorly CGI’d email attachments taken from LexCorp. Does that mean that Lex should be the one credited with bringing the JLA together?
Who cares is the correct answer because Lex Luthor is fucking abysmal. Watching Jesse Eisenberg tick his way through his lines makes me wonder if Lex is secretly Autism-man or Dr Aspergertron.
Coming runner up in the “face-palm character awards” is Lois Lane (Amy Adams). Her only involvement was to get feebly rescued by Superman at key moments of the disparate plot. She is as useful as an earthquake to a face-painter.
She also had no knowledge that Wonder Woman exists yet at the end of film she goes to see Superman and just waltzes in like “Hey Batman, hey random unitard wearing lady with a sword and shield who I’ve never seen before… anyway, well done for killing the thing that looks exactly like the cave troll from Lord of the Rings only with laser eyes”.
Expectation is the key here because it’s not actually a bad film but most people, myself included, were expecting a lot more than a bland story full of plot holes and lacking any real emotion.
As it turns out the night isn’t darkest just before the dawn: it’s after.
The Good, The Bad and The Outcome:
+ Almost everything Batman
+ Wonder Woman
+ Looks great
– Almost everything else